The Lust for Clean and Order

Today I woke up once again to a few routine demands - baby wanting to breastfeed, baby wanting breakfast, kitchen that was screaming, "Clean me up!!," the 4th load of laundry from yesterday still in the dryer, a pail of dirty diaper needing to be washed, and a teething fussy baby constantly pulling at my pj's to be held. This was just a start, and before I could shake off the grogginess or pour a cup of coffee, I began to feel irritated and frustrated over all this. After Karis went down for her morning, I sat down to pray and pull myself together, I began repenting of my irritation, discontentment and ingratitude over the many blessings that brought on these demands. The unmade beds, the loads of laundry, the messy kitchen floor - all these are signs of life! People live in this house! People I love. Oh, how I am grateful for that. It is my lust for constant cleanliness and order that cause my irritation. As much as wanting and having a clean house is good, it shouldn't lead me to sin. I forgot who said something to the effect of "it often isn't our desires that are bad, but it is wanting them too much that is bad." Our hearts can make anything into an idol.

Then I think of my elderly neighbour whose house is intact. What she wouldn't give to have all these messy signs of life invade her home. She tells me how lonesome she is regularly. I repent again for my ingratitude.

So I pray for grace to see each mess and chore as an opportunity to give God thanks. Only God can do this in me. I pray that he would purge the dross of selfishness and self-pity from my heart, so that I can be a clean vessel fit to be used by Him. Help us Lord.