On debt and DEBT

This past Sunday our pastor shared a great sermon about our infinite moral debt to God, and how Christ's perfect life and substitutionary death is the only currency that can pay this debt. To paraphrase him: We certainly have failed the obligations of God's law - to love, worship and obey Him as we should. Christ is the only one that can free us from the damning obligations of a law we have failed to keep. I simply don't have the currency to pay this cosmic debt. If we fail to accept Christ as our bankroll, so to speak, we are foolishly financing our life; the Judge of all the Universe could call your debt at anytime. 

 ^"And you, who were dead in your trespasses^..., God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses,  by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross." Colossians 2:13-14

This debt analogy is very real to Shawn and I. For the past five years, we have been tackling about $55,000 of debt. Last week I shared with a dear friend that we were less than $2,000 away from being debt-free. Sunday evening Shawn and I received an email from this friend and her husband - it was a notification that they were transferring $1,000 into our bank account to help us pay off the final part of our debt. I was immediately reluctant to gratefully accept this gift because my pride couldn't deal with someone else paying off MY debt. I even said to Shawn out loud, "Why do they have to pay our debt; we are the ones that incurred it." It just didn't seem fair or right. Shawn laughed and replied, "because they are being a picture of Christ and the gospel." It is not fair, but it is just. The debt IS being paid off - (by them in our place). 

The analogy is not perfect of course,  but it makes the point that our pride can also keep us from accepting Christ's payment of our moral payment. "I can be good enough; God will accept me as I am - I'm not THAT bad of a person," we say; And we start listing off our list of good deeds, however tainted with selfish motives they may be. But we must take God seriously at His word when He says that our good deeds will never be enough to pay the infinite moral debt we owe Him. Only infinite payment of infinite value can relieve this soul-crushing debt. Christ, God incarnate, the second person of the God-head, is the only payment that can foot this bill. Take it. Humbly, gratefully, and in faith cling to Him alone. 

  

Because He loves me

For the past few days, we've all been fighting colds, which means  a lot of  whininess (sp?) from Karis, and achy tired bodies for Shawn and I. Additionally, we're coming on a two month battle with Karis to not cry/whine  through her naptime  (we had a few days of success, but they were short-lived). My patience has been running low, my self-pity high. The reason I share this is to illustrate how such small "troubles" can bring out so much sin in me. I've raised my voice unkindly way too many times, I've been bitter, selfish, and just plain unloving frequently toward the man I pledged to love more than any other human being. This confession could go on and on; however, that's not the point. My point is remind myself that  when I am tempted to think God is "getting me" or "not listening to my prayers," I can kick that thought out quickly and know that it is because he loves me and he loves his holiness that he allows these frustrations to come into my life. They are so small relatively speaking, and yet they are enough to reveal and purge so much sin in me. I pray I don't waste these sanctifying opportunities that He is lovingly giving me. Moreover, as I learn to be grateful and content despite crying children and interrupted times of rest, I learn to find joy in Christ simply for Him, and not for what He gives or brings (i.e. children who don't demand much and long, synchronized naps from both children). And that is the greatest and most loving gift God can give us - Him, our greatest joy so he gets the greatest glory.

I'm just so ready to shake off this pettiness  and selfishness, but I know only a work of God in my heart can bring about true change in me. I've read just this week of two families who are adopting or have adopted children with severe special needs, as in no limbs. Wow. And I can't seem to trust God to help me handle a whiny toddler. I wonder if our petty sins keeps us from doing such extraordinary things for God's glory. I think so. Help us Lord to treasure you above all, especially our comfort, and so go out in faith to do great things for the glory and fame of your name. 

A year-end review

I wanted to take some time to hopefully start a new habit of reviewing our family's year in writing. This is my version of those "Christmas Letters" many people include with their Christmas cards.

This year has been a relatively calm and joyful time for our family. My maternity leave with Karis officially ended at the end of January; I made the decision to not return to full-time work outside the home, and instead invest that time and energy to serving my family full-time at home. Until May I continued to do some contract grant writing work from home a few hours a week for my former employer. This contract ended, and now I enjoy serving our church Calvary Grace Church of Calgary a few hours a week with admin work. I really do love being at home with Karis; it allows for a less stressful pace of life for our family and much time to train and teach Karis at this important formative stage of her life. It's hard to believe how busy ordinary life at home can be. There is always something to clean, toys to pick up, children to feed, budgets to balance, etc, etc. We also love spending time with other moms and children, especially the 4 other gals and our 9 children combined that meet every Wednesday for a time of prayer, play and lunch.

Shawn continues his work as south Alberta District Manager for St. John's music where he sells musical instruments to schools throughout southern Alberta. He enjoys the day trips to various cities/towns around south Alberta each week and is really good at what he does. At the moment he is the top district manager for the whole company nation-wide in terms of sales. He also teaches one drum lesson a week. He is a great daddy to Karis and Titus - at the moment He is giving Karis a bath, so mommy can have some down time while Titus is napping. It's a blessing to have a husband who serves his family selflessly, and I am so grateful for him. He and Karis have so much fun together, especially doing funny dances together and listening to great music. He's so proud when she asks for more jazz.

A highlight for our family each week is coming together with our church family at Calvary Grace Church of Calgary to hear God's word preached so faithfully. We have many wonderful friends there that we love dearly, and the teaching we receive there has been so integral in growing our faith and relationship with Christ.

Karis has done so much growing this year - physically and developmentally. The Lord has graced her with great verbal skills which she loves to practice all, and I mean all, day long! She is our little parrot, we like to say. We get many laughs over the new things she says or mimics each day.  She loves music, dancing and nursery rhymes. She walks around with the itouch to her ear singing and swaying "Jesus te tu" (Jesus Thank You) by Sovereign Grace. She also loves books, dolls, and stuffed animals. She currently has about 15 "friends" (stuffed animals) that share her crib. She also loves to pull up a chair on the kitchen counter to "help" me bake or cook. "Helpy - you" she says, and "Mix, mix, mix" to the dough she loves to eat. She loves her new little brother Titus. She gives him lots of kisses and loves the chance to hold him. "Oh, come here Titus" she says in the funniest voice that I realized she was mimicing after me. Having Titus join our family has encouraged her to find ways to entertain herself and be a great helper to mommy.

In the summer we took our first family vacation. We spent a week in the Kelowona area relaxing by the beautiful Okanagan lake. Karis was a bit afraid of the water at first, but warmed up to it nicely. Vacationing with a toddler has its relaxation limits, but nonetheless we had a great time and enjoyed the chance to slow down and just spend time together.

And a few weeks ago we welcomed our second child into our family. Titus Whitefield Evans arrived on November 29th at 6 am. You can read his birth story on a former blog post. We love having a new baby in the house and seeing our little family grow. I was really surprised about how much busier one  little baby could make one, and although I can complain about not having time to do hobbies (like blogging - I'm not sure how I'm pulling off the time to write now!),we feel so blessed by our children and all that the Lord teaches us through their being in our lives.

There are big changes on the horizon for our family, which I will share about in a few weeks once plans are a bit more solidified.

Overall this year has been a time to see the faithfullness of God in so many areas of our lives. To Him we give glory and gratitude.

Christmas: Divine Love

Gavin Peacock preached a wonderful sermon today on the familiar verse John 3:16. It was a presentation of the gospel that fell on my ears like refreshing water. This simple, yet infinitely profound, gospel never gets old. 

What keeps ringing in my ears and heart from the sermon is the thought that God, infinitely holy and righteous, could love a world and a people so stained in sin and so bent on self-rule. A world who rejects his rightful rule and His revelation and interpretation of life and reality. I include myself in this world - me, who am constantly more concerned for my own happiness and recognition than God's glory, who can become bitter and resentful in spite of the great forgiveness God has offered me,  who can become so irritable, impatient and unkind with my toddler and husband in spite of God's clear command to be patient, kind, and meek with them. Oh, I may not be as bad as Hitler, Lanza, you fill in the blank; but they are not the standard (what a low standard that would be). A perfectly holy God is the standard, and against that I (and you) fall infinitely short. 

So this is the wonder of Christmas: That this perfect, good, righteousness God could love sinners and give His infinitely valuable Son to take the penalty for sin in their place and in exchange give them His own righteousness. Not only this, but in John 17 Christ says that God the Father loves those who have embraced Christ as Savoir  even as He loves God the Son. Can you get your head around how immense that love must be? Now that we know something about the unmeasurable span of the universe, we may understand why the Psalmist said: "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him." (Psalm 103:11)

I encourage you to take a listen to the whole sermon here, especially if you have never understood the big deal of this familiar Bible verse or of Jesus Christ for that matter. 

 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.(John 3:16)

Titus' Birth Story

This is the same sleeper that Shawn came home in from the hospital 32 years ago. 

I like to chronicle my children's birth stories to include them in their baby books. And for those of you who care to read the details of Titus' birth, here it goes:

My due date of November 25 came with no commotion. Karis was a week late, so this was no surprise. 3 days after my due date, I woke up with mild crampy contractions that were different from the cramps I'd been having on and off for a few weeks. I thought to myself, "I remember these, I think this is the start." They were very mild, about 40 minutes apart and not consistent, so I decided to go about my day as normal and heed my midwives' advice to "ignore, ignore, ignore, until you can't ignore any more.". Karis and I packed up and went to our weekly prayer group/play date at a friend's house and then came home for a nap. The distraction was good, and I can't remember having many more contractions that afternoon.

Shawn came home around 4, and by 5 we were sitting down for supper. I'd started feeling more contractions  - still mild and very far apart - but  by 5, they were more noticeable  so I decided to start charting them. For the rest of that evening they were about 20 minutes apart, only about 30 seconds long and still mild. I rested all that evening in preparation for labour. The continued to intensify that night, and my attempts to try to sleep were not successful. So Shawn and laboured at home all that night, watching Elf around 2 am, to keep me laughing and somewhat distracted. I did have a few cries, not so much from the pain, and I'm still not sure why, so let's just blame it on horomones. It was a good way to let out tension nonetheless.

God was so gracious to me. The contractions continued to stay pretty far apart, and it was not until around 4 am that they begin to be less than 10 minutes apart, but still only about 30 seconds long, and I was still managing well. I thought we were still in "early labour." We followed our midwives instructions and called them once they were less than 10 minutes apart. One of our midwives came to our house to check to see how fare I had dialated. To my happy surprise she announced that I was already 6-7 centimetres  I  jumped inside for joy and relief because it was almost 5 am by this time, and I was really ready to get some sleep (and have my baby of course).

My midwife suggested we get to the hospital quick, for if my water broke at any moment, the baby would come quick and we wouldn't make it to the hospital. We loaded up our van, and our friend arrived to stay with Karis (who was sleeping through all of this), just as we were ready to head out the door, and by 5:40 we arrived in our hospital room. I only had 1 contraction on the 15 or so minute ride to the hospital and then a handful more on the way up to our hospital room. As soon as we got into the room and settled the contractions started to come on stronger, and I was pretty sure I was in transition.

My midwife filled up the bath tub, I got in and immediately felt pain relief. I had about 2 contractions in the tub before my water broke and I felt a huge need to push. I told my midwife I needed to push, and she gave me the go ahead (as she pushed the call button to ask some nurses to come help her - the other midwife had not arrived, as they didn't expect Titus to come so soon), and 2 or so pushes later 9.9 pound Titus made a dive into the water. He seemed so calm and unfazed by the whole experience. No crying. He was literally  half asleep, so I kept asking if he was ok, which he was. He was just (and so far still is) such a calm baby.  I felt instant relief and joy, as they put my baby on my chest. A few minutes later, we were like, "oh, we should see if it's a boy or a girl." I lifted him up and were delighted to see that we now had a son. That was 6:12 am, and by 9:15 we were ready to head home that very cold and snowy November morning with our baby boy.

We are so grateful for God's mercy to me - overall the pain was very manageable - and for his perfect timing of everything. Before Karis woke up the next morning she was a big sister, and immediately on coming home she began to give baby "Tito" kisses. She still hasn't stopped.

Baby Evans #2 on His/Her Way!

We are so happy to announce that God has blessed us with the anticipation of a second child! Baby Evans #2 will be born, Lord willing, here in Calgary at the end of November. We were praying for the timing of this second child, as we are still planning to move to Texas, and know that God's hand is in this timing. We are blessed and grateful, and happy that Karis will have a little sibling and playmate soon.

P.S. We are not finding out the gender until the baby is born! Should be fun, and will keep me from shopping :)

Happy Mother's Day

I never understood a mother's love until I became one. My heart feels like it will explode from so much love for that child some days. I can only imagine what it must be like to love us three for more than half of your lifetime. And when we get on those planes and fly far away, we know your heart hurts. You are so brave. Your patience and perseverance I think of often and they give my heart strength. I hope to be that way too. Thank you Mom. You are a vessel of God's grace in my life. May you continue to enjoy the rewards of motherhood.

Happy 4th Anniversary Shawn!

Happy Anniversary to my dear husband! Marriage vows are hard to do, but His grace is sufficient for our weakness and his love and yours covers a multitude of my sin, and your such a good forgiver Shawn David Evans. Your hands work long hours to love us with provision and your words and affection, they swell our hearts big with joy, and your never ceasing to say, "let's pray," and how you read us His enduring Word, they nourish our souls. For all this and more I respect you and love you. "Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness" Psalm 115:1

Who is the Greatest? An Encouragement to Mothers and Caregivers

Our society has conditioned us to seek status. In our culture this is most often sought through a career - Professional athlete, Doctor, Professor, etc. It is no wonder mothers who have chosen to give up or put less priority on their career (at least for a time) in order to devote themselves to the care of their children are mentally demoted in status. I still find myself fumbling clumsily and shyly to explain (more like justify) that I have chosen to stay home with Karis and not return to full-time work outside the home. I'm so quick to throw in, "but I'm still working from home a few hours," as to try to elevate my status in the hearers mind. It's here again that Christ's confronts our heart attitude and shatters our worldly values for those of His kingdom.

Mark 9:33-37

³³ And they came to Capernaum. And when he was in the house he asked them, “What were you discussing on the way?” ³⁴ But they kept silent, for on the way they had argued with one another about who was the greatest. ³⁵ And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.” ³⁶ And he took a child and put him in the midst of them, and taking him in his arms, he said to them,³⁷ “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me.”

My ESV Study Bible commentary shed some light of these verses that I found so applicable to motherhood (I respect and acknowledge the many other applications this can be made to - teachers, nurses, social workers, etc)

"The attitude of heart Jesus is teaching does not even overlook a lowly child (at times marginalized in ancient societies) but receives, and thereby cares for, such a little one in Christ's name. In contrast to the status-seeking of the disciples in verse 34, Jesus is showing them they should be willingly take on lowly, often unnoticed tasks and care for those who have little status in the world...Humbly caring for people of lowly status out of obedience to Christ ("in [his] name|") will be rewarded by rich personal fellowship with both the Son and the Father."

So an encouragement for mothers and caretakers whose days are filled with unnoticed, meanial task of changing yet another dirty diaper, cleaning up the 20th meal of the week, hauling fussy kids and heavy pounds of groceries through the snowy/slushy grocery store parking lot, your work if done in and for Christ is not only highly valued in God's kingdom economy, but it will also be rewarded by rich personal fellowship with Him! Those who have tasted this sweet fellowship know that no amount of zeros on the end of your pay check or letters behind your name can give your soul this type of satisfaction and joy.

Happy Birthday Precious Karis

One year ago your little 8 pound presence changed us forever, bringing our hearts and little home unspeakable joy. There you are precious and small, an extension of our love.
And although those first few months were rough - unruly hormones maybe, or unseen battles in the heavenlies - yet our God was a shield all around us, and tears and fears He turned to dancing, faithful even from your first year. So we praise Him there in the rocking chair, nursing you for what seems like the millionth time, you drinking nourishment from mamma and I drinking up the precious moments I have with you in my arms and the faithfulness and loving-kindness of our God.

And I prayed for you this first year - prayed that you will know Him, really know Him. That you will see and savor Christ and courageously and lovingly make Him known in all your world. There in your room I've plastered some of the Living Word I pray will be you - my reminders to fight with this double-edged sword for you.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matt. 22:37)

This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word.”(Isa. 66:2)

Stand firm in the faith; be [a woman] of courage; be strong.” (1 Cor.16:13)

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding” (Prov. 3:5)

How we love you Karis. We see the gift that you are to us, and our heart dances with joy to the gracious and wonderful Giver of all good gifts. Happy 1st Birthday precious daughter.

The Lust for Clean and Order

Today I woke up once again to a few routine demands - baby wanting to breastfeed, baby wanting breakfast, kitchen that was screaming, "Clean me up!!," the 4th load of laundry from yesterday still in the dryer, a pail of dirty diaper needing to be washed, and a teething fussy baby constantly pulling at my pj's to be held. This was just a start, and before I could shake off the grogginess or pour a cup of coffee, I began to feel irritated and frustrated over all this. After Karis went down for her morning, I sat down to pray and pull myself together, I began repenting of my irritation, discontentment and ingratitude over the many blessings that brought on these demands. The unmade beds, the loads of laundry, the messy kitchen floor - all these are signs of life! People live in this house! People I love. Oh, how I am grateful for that. It is my lust for constant cleanliness and order that cause my irritation. As much as wanting and having a clean house is good, it shouldn't lead me to sin. I forgot who said something to the effect of "it often isn't our desires that are bad, but it is wanting them too much that is bad." Our hearts can make anything into an idol.

Then I think of my elderly neighbour whose house is intact. What she wouldn't give to have all these messy signs of life invade her home. She tells me how lonesome she is regularly. I repent again for my ingratitude.

So I pray for grace to see each mess and chore as an opportunity to give God thanks. Only God can do this in me. I pray that he would purge the dross of selfishness and self-pity from my heart, so that I can be a clean vessel fit to be used by Him. Help us Lord.

Rivalry and Who Makes the Bed

Recently in attempt to motivate ourselves to keep our commitment to rise early, I proposed to Shawn that last one up had to make the bed. This seemed innocent enough, and maybe our motives where - I'm not too sure now. It doesn't take long though to see a divisive spirit creep into a little game like this. It soon became more about me wanting Shawn to make the bed, so I didn't have to instead of rising early to be a better steward of my time, and so honor God.

I was reading Philippians 2 today and came across that familiar, but profound and challenging verse: "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interest of others." (vs.3-4). I realized that I had been acting out of rivalry and looking out for my interest instead of those of my husband. I was allowing a seemingly innocent thing to subtedly bring divisiveness into my marriage, instead of working with all my might to keep a spirit of unity with Shawn as the verses preceding these call me to. All we do in marriage should be building unity, not division. I am not my husband's competition, I'm his completer. We are a team and everything we do, significant and insignificant, should be done in a spirit of unity and selflessness.

Merry Christmas

It's been a delightful Christmas season for me.

Not because I've done a lot of shopping or decked the halls or attended a gajillion Christmas parties. I've done little or none of these.

The delight has really come from the simplicity I've been intentionally seeking after this season. Trying to free myself from coveting gifts I don't need and just focusing my gaze on Christ and the fact that God of God came to dwell among us. And not as an end in itself, like one of our elders posted here, but to live a perfect life and die in my place - to a absorb the righteous punishment from God for me. To bring peace between me and God and to make Him my greatest joy. As John Piper says, Christmas is really the beginning of the end. The end of the great redemption story. Thinking on this has been the source of a wonderful Christmas season.

And lest you think my heart never grows dull. It does. Unmoved at times by the familiarity of the story. Yet my feelings don't change the weight of this marvelous truth. I keep looking to Christ, asking for grace. Grace to understand more fully and feel the full weight of all the implications of the incarnation.

May you know and treasure this good news of great joy. Merry Christmas!

Baby Recipe Share: Tomato-Onion Lentils

My little girl is fully into solids. She loves food and feeding herself, but I've noticed she doesn't really like bland food. Baby's bodies can't handle much salt yet, so I'm left to try to be creative in how to make her healthy, flavourful food. I'd like to share these ideas with you. My goal is to make the recipies delicious enough to eat myself.

Tomato-Onion Lentils

Ingredients:

• 2 tomatoes
• 1/4 onion
• 1 C of lentils
• olive oil

Directions:

1. Heat 1 T olive oil in a sauce pan over medium heat
2. Saute lentils in 1 T of olive oil for 5 or so minutes
3. Blend tomatoes (cut them up for easier blending), onion and 1 C of water
4. Pour blend over lentils and simmer until lentils are tender

You can spread the lentils on some bread or rice cakes to make it easier for baby's to self-feed themselves. You can also stuff them in a pita. I like to do that for me and add some feta cheese.

Advent: A reminder of His sure (second) coming

We've seen our fair share this year of false prophets/teachers making a mockery of Christ's second coming. Completely disregarding Christ's words that "no one knows the day or hour" of his return (Matthew 24:36), they presumptuously go on in their date predictions - to their discredit, but unfortunately also to the increased general skepticism and even mockery regarding one of the most fundamental doctrines of historic Christianity, namely the second coming of Christ.

Today is the beginning of advent. A time where various Christian traditions celebrate the advent, or coming, of Christ 2000 + years ago and eagerly await his second advent. And just as God foretold many times in the Old Testament and then fulfilled the promise of Christ's first advent, so we can be sure that his promise of Christ's second advent will also be fulfilled. We can be skeptical about it, we can mock it, but the odds are greatly against us because of God's track record. It's as sure as the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Our hope and anticipation, therefore, like our faith, is objective. It's not just hope in hope, but is based on the historic objectivity of a God who has been keeping his promises since the creation of the world.

So when my heart wants to be unbelieving about Christ's second coming, I will think about the fulfilled promises of God that first advent, and then "[wait] for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works" (Titus 2:13-14).

I can't help you baby, but Jesus Can

Motherhood has allowed me many insights into my faith in Christ, and also many new reasons to trust Him and be dependent on Him.

The following story may seem trite, but to me it was a lesson that I will need to continue learning as long as I am a mother.

Recently Karis has started to visibily show great excitement when she sees me. She even crawls (or at least something that resembles a crawl) to me. She has, as the psychologist would say, created an attachment to me. This is a great thing in the parent-baby bonding world. And I must admit, the admiration I get from her is great (and even addictive), but also scary. Scary because I know that I although I can, by God's grace, do many things to protect, love and care for her, I am also a very imperfect human being - sin can still throw a party at this house any day. Not only this, but I am also powerless in soooo many ways to protect my baby. As every new mother will learn, there are so many things that are out of our control. Sooner or later our child will see our moral imperfections and powerlessness, and therefore I'm realizing that one of the very first things I want to teach Karis is to look to Christ for help, and not just daddy and mommy. I want to teach her that anything I can do for her is a result of God's grace toward her. I want her to turn her admiration and trust to Him ultimately. In other words, I don't want to be her God.

Today was a perfect time to start this - more for me then for her I guess, but nonetheless. We've been introducing solids to our baby for about a month now, and steadily increasing her intake. To say she loves food would be an understatement. This week, however, the solids have taken toll on her little body and she, like many babies starting solids, has become very constipated. Yesterday she began to fuss and cry while pooing. It's really hard to watch your baby suffer. I began to research online what I could take out or put into her diet to help her, and began right away with prunes. I was still dreading her next poo. Today she began to fuss again and I could tell she was trying to poo. I took her to the toilet, and she began to try to poo and cried even more than yesterday. My heart broke again. I hugged her and told her "mommy will do what she can to help you." But I knew that there wasn't anything I could do right then to help her. Her poo was so dark and hard. She fussed and cried more. It's then that I realized there will be many times when I will be powerless to help my baby, so she like I will have to turn to Christ for help. And there, on the potty we did just that. I told her that I wasn't able to help her, but Jesus could, and we prayed. She kept pooing and her poo began to come out softer and softer. It was very soft at the end, and we praised God.

I've been reading George Muller's autobiography. He prayed about everything, big and small. He knew that nothing was too unimportant for our heavenly father. Today I saw that too. What sweet, powerful mercy. As that old hymn says: "His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me."

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. (Luke 12:6-7)

Pride Exposed

I’m a terribly prideful person. It takes shape in arrogance, false humility, shame, and the oh so ugly self-righteousness. Most encounters with another human-being exposes this sin - I compare, judge, criticize, envy. Oh, what a wretched woman I am. Who will deliver me from this body of death? (Romans 7:24) Pride wells up uninvited. I hate and recognize it many times immediately, but I know many times I’m too blind to even see. Christ’s perfect humility to my account is my only hope.

Motherhood has especially magnified and exposed this sin in my heart. My heart boast that I get to stay home with my baby and have to make “sacrifices” to do so (false humility, check). My heart boast that my baby is beautiful, fashionable - oh, and the hair on that baby girl (arrogance, check). My heart boast that I use cloth diapers, oh and I breastfeed (pride, check). Sounds ridiculous I know, but all these are temptations to pride for me, and I so desperately want to be freed from them. Does anyone else struggle with these things?!

Everything I have is a gift from God. What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it? (1 Corinthians 4:7 ). Besides my motherhood pride points, I take pride in my skills, abilities, knowledge, etc and look down on others who don’t have my same skills (even though they have other skills that I CLEARLY don’t). So again, wretched woman that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Romans 7:24)

May He be my ONLY boast.

“But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” (Galatians 6:14).

Karis' Birth Story

As many of you know, our sweet little girl arrived on Saturday, February 26th at 11:35 pm. We love her so much already - how does that happen?!!

I'm so amazed by how perfectly she was created in my womb from a tiny egg and sperm - so intricate, so "wonder"ful, so beautiful. I'm in awe at God's creative power when I look at her.

As my friend Lauren said when writing ou her baby's birth story, while many of you many not be interested in all the details of the birth, some might, and I want to document the memory.

So my official due date per the midwives was February 19th. (we used registered midwives in lieu of doctors, and LOVED the experience. I highly recommend them). Like many first time moms, the due date came and went with no baby. In Alberta, inductions are done at 41 weeks and 3 days, so I had a ultrasound scheduled for the Monday (February 28th) before my 41 weeks and 3 days to see how babe was doing and decide if I wanted to induce. However, the Friday before (February 25th) as I was putting in a load of laundry, my water broke apparently. I say apparently because I didn't recognize it at first because it wasn't the gush that you hear people talking about when they talk about their water breaking. I thought I had just peed on myself - how embarrassing I thought to myself. Providentially, just before this happened, one of my midwives was on her way to my house to check my blood pressure. I had called her earlier to tell her I had a headache all day, so she wanted to come check my blood pressure out. I'm glad she was coming over for that because she was able to confirm that my water had indeed broken. This was very critical to know because I (like 17-30% of pregnant women) was a carrier for group B strep which if passed on to the baby can be very very harmful. When you are positive for group B strep and your water breaks the recommendation is that you are induced right away because the baby is not longer protected by the unbroken sac. Therefore, we had a decision to make: Wait a bit to see if I would go into labour naturally or go get induced. It was about 8:30 in the evening and we were in no shape to start labour, so we decided to get some rest over night and if I didn't go into labour, get induced in the morning. I didn't go into labour that night, but we did get some nice rest, so in the morning we were off to the hospital for the induction and to start pumping some antibiotics to reduce the risk of baby getting group b strep.

We arrived at the hospital close to 9 in the morning, had a walk around and got comfortable (as comfortable as could be with IV's on me and monitors around me). I wasn't feeling nervous, but mostly just ready to have the baby. As they were preparing everything, they let me know that 99% of the women that have inductions at that hospital get epidurals (apparently labour comes on faster and stronger with an induction), I guess they wanted me to have realistic expectation since they knew I wanted an unmedicated birth. I wasn't feeling very encouraged at this point.

So the contractions started slowly, but surely. I would look at the little monitor that kept track of the contractions and it was only in the 20's. They told me it would get to the 90's, and I gasped because I thought there was no way I could handle that - they were already hurting pretty good. Around 4 pm (Shawn tells me) active labour started. It was hard - it hurt lots, but by this time my sweet friend Megan had joined us and she and Shawn did a TREMENDOUS job helping me relax and handle each contraction. So grateful for them! I did at one point ask for laughing gas, but then decided against it for fear that I would get nauseated. I didn't think I could handle the pain and the nausea together. So on we go, transition starts (maybe around 8ish), so I knew we were close to the end. (By this time I think I forgot about epidurals or maybe thought it was too late). This was by far the hardest thing I've every done, but when it was time to push, I felt relief because there was actually somewhere to channel the pain. I pushed for about and hour and a half, and had my baby girl on my chest. What relief! She didn't cry at all, but just laid there content.

We then waited for my placenta, but it wouldn't come, so they decided to take me to the operating room to remove it manually to reduce the chance of me hemorrhaging. Baby and I stayed in the hospital overnight to make sure all was well with the placenta business, and the next day around noon, we were getting ready to go home with our new baby.

So now Karis is almost one month old and doing very well. She is nursing well and gaining weight. She's so adorable! We thank God for his wonderful provision of wonderful health care and loving friends and family who have supported us through the pregnancy and arrival of Karis. We love you all!

Merry Christmas!

Baby!

By now most of our friends and family know that we are expecting our first baby. Such joy this baby is already bringing to us and our families. God is gracious.

I'm now getting to the end of my 16th week of pregnancy, and baby Evans is due in mid February. It's easy to take for granted the miracle that is transpiring in my womb. Learning about the intricacies of a baby's creation is mind boggling. Around week 7 we thought we were going to loose the baby, so a new gratitude has grown in our hearts; however, we forget, and so we must remember to be grateful each day for this baby. In two weeks I will have my 18th week ultrasound and we will (hopefully) be able to know if baby is a boy or a girl. (We've already got a boy and a girl name picked out).

God calls children a blessing, and we are so thankful for the blessing of baby Evans. As we pray for our child, we desire more than anything that He or She would know Christ and love Him with their whole heart, mind, soul and strength and bring much glory to God with their life. I'm looking forward to retiring from full-time work outside the home to nurture and raise this child (and others should God give them to us) and be a support to Shawn.

I'll leave you with a picture of my growing baby bump.